I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
