If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
