There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Drake has all the answers
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
