she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
