I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
