God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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