he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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