What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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