I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
