Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
