is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I want her autograph on my taint
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
