i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
