So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
