Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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