Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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