I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
