today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize