Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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