Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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