Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
