Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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