i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
