my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
