Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
