My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
