She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
