maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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