I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
