Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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