jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
