god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
