am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize