he thought i was a dude.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
