I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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