This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
