so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
