shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
