Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
