and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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