If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
