MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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