perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
