I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
