I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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