i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I AM VODKA MAN
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize