I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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