she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
