he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
