my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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