God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
