Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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