I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize