i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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