Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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