my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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