She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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