you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He? As in you personified your dick?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
