OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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