I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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