We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize