So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
