and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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