This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
