i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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