It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize