I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
sex in a hospital.. check
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
