No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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