Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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