Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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