That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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