This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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