And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize