So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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