There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
