I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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