As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
