can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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