May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Bring me that man meat
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
