it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Less talking, more tequila
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
