I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
