So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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