Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize